April 23, 2023
I feel sorry for Lebron’s nuts. First Dray stomped ’em, now Dylan kicked ’em, those huevos are takin’ a whuppin’, and nobody even knows their name. Are LeBron’s nuts just eminently kick-able, like Danny Ainge’s face?
I think it’s bigger than that. Sports always teaches us life lessons.
This lesson is that 2023 is the year of the Nut Shot.
Chuck “groins” Kenny to win the next race to the Big Board. The Van Gundy brothers will play Yank-A-Groin at half-time, like they did to those poor ponies in Geneseo, and one another (nobody gets that crusty naturally). (Don’t judge them: things get slow in whatever county Geneseo NY is in, and you can only play so much basketball)
Big Perk will groin himself because nobody else wants to go anywhere near those things.
We haven’t talked about so many Nuts since the last NRA convention. How many fights wouldn’t happen if they were nut-kicking battles instead of gun fights? Those nutty-nuts would turn Quaker in no time.
Do all of these kicks in the nuts symbolically represent the rejection of male cisgenderism by modern society? Or do we all want Dylan to stop with the “normalize the bulge” campaign, and are we telling her? Is this the new “Battle of the Bulge”, and if it is, will Clint Eastwood be in the movie? Getting kicked? In the nuts?
Let’s bring it into politics, with gender equity: girls get kicked in the nuts, just like men. MJT, line those babies up, ‘cuz I got a Size 12 headin’ way, Boebert, you’re next, then I’m getting my old Timberlines for Ginny Thomas, cuz I expect to lose one.
And seriously, this needs to happen: can someone, ANYone, punch Donald Trump in the nuts next they are insulted by him? Instead of, ya know, just TAKING it, line him up, and uppercut right him the jambonees. He’d keep talking as he writhed, trying to convince us that his nuts actually won the fight, but his political career would be over.
The NBA is making a statement. People are getting away with too much, and the best way to put ‘em back in their lane is a good ol’ fashioned wack in the damn nuts.
Now where’s those old Timberlands?
