April 30, 2024
30 Days of Marge. 30 Days of Memes to embarrass and shame ol’ Stoneface.
Day 3 – April 30, 2024: Marge, on how she got so Beautiful
Day 2 – April 28, 2024: Hygiene with Marge
Day 1 – April 26, 2024: “Putin” is a Verb.
Sports
Other Columns by The Tizzle
The Abraham Accords: Just Another Soulless Deal
October 16, 2023 Republican leaders are yet again striving to be the most outraged. “Joe Biden has blood on his hands.” The normally affable Tim Scott offered up this doozy, shortly after Hamas terrorists barbarically raided Israeli villages. Desantis: we’ve been “very deferential to the Iranians, the Iranians we now know were intimately involved in orchestrating these attacks.” “Joe Biden betrayed Israel!” Trump, unhinged, as always. The 6 Billion for Iran. The Rhetoric of the Squad. The Universities, and their Pro-Palestian-ism. But Biden and the Democrats didn’t do this. Biden didn’t move the US Embassy to Jerusalem. … Read more
3 Reasons the Nets will be Better than the Knicks this Season
By Jon Terry October 24, 2023 Knicks fans, you are me, and I am you. It pains me to write this article. But I see the future, or at least the 6-8 months. And it’s not that good. The Nets were supposed to be better than the Knicks, pretty much every year since 2020. They were for a little bit, then, as we all really enjoyed, it all went bad, the Big Three were collectively the Big Ego then the Big Fail, and the Knicks made some noise. The Knicks are supposed to be better this year. They wont be. … Read more
GOP 2023 Debates
5 Takeaways From the First RNC Debate
By Robinson Terry August 24, 2023 Super PAC puppets. UFOs. Donald Trump and a Fulton County jail. The recipe for a B-movie screenplay? No. The contents of the first Republican debate on Wednesday night. Every candidate tried to pitch themselves rather than saying what they actually believe: I’m a better candidate than Donald Trump. Every person watching knows the candidates believe this, otherwise they wouldn’t be running. Yet none of them actually said it directly. Nobody took on Trump except for Christie and Hutchinson, and Hutchinson’s attack (if it can be called that) had all the force of a finger … Read more
GOP Primary Debates Round 1: Winners, Losers & Mids
By Jon Terry August 24, 2023 Ron DeSantis breakout moment. A test for Vivek against real politicians. Christie’s opportunity to bash Trump, and then show he can do more than that . The underdogs and no-names – Burnham and Hutchinson – show their chops. Tim Scott finds a lane. Nikki Haley separates herself. Pence’s relentless decency leaves a mark. All of the candidates entered the Debate with hopes, tactics and strategy. Most of them left with wounded, or exposed, or worse than both, unnoticed. The Losers Why was Asa Hutchinson on stage, and why is he running … Read more
By Jon Terry August 23, 2024 Debates separate candidates. The Spongey get destroyed – ask Jeb Bush, who took turns getting punched down on by Trump, and getting punched up on by L’il Marco. Now when we think about Jeb, we think about Oatmeal. The Intellectuals get mocked, GW Bush had ‘em laughing at Gore’s stuffy, overly-factual messaging, nobody can listen to or look at Elizabeth Warren for more than several minutes at a time, John Kerry was and is, well, just plain weird. (Does he still do things in an official capacity, or is he just flying around, ranting? … Read more
Speaker, You’re Not Speaking to Me. Or We.
April 20, 2023 Speaker McCarthy’s quasi-budget proposal reminds me: people do things for 2 reasons: “Me” and “We.” And “Me” weighs a lot more, and gets heavier and heavier if the “me” problems are existential, like eating, having a roof, an ability to care for your people. We only get to “We” if “Me” … Read more
thetizzle.com
Elise, This Is On You
April 19, 2023 Kaylin Gillis didn’t have to die. She didn’t have to catch a bullet for driving up the wrong driveway. She didn’t have to die slowly, without proper intervention, while her friends struggled to find mobile service. This happened because of political priorities, actions, and inactions. A hidden factor in Kaylin’s death … Read more
thetizzle.com
Sports
Russ vs KD: It Looks Worse with Time.
April 18, 2023 It didn’t look right, Russ guarding KD on Saturday night. It still feels like KD never should have left, that he and Russ should be up in OKC, wearing a couple rings, working with SGA and Chet for the next couple, squaring off with the Warriors and Lakers, every year. Instead, we … Read more
NBA 2023 Play-In and Round 1: It’s Going to the Birds
April 12, 2023 Trae Bon? Peli-Cans? Lakers or Fakers? Which 2 Wolves swing up next? Shai Tea, anyone? Is Braids Jimmy as clutch as, ya know, pre-braids Jimmy? Whose braids look dumber, ADs, Jimmy’s, or D Russ’s? Who are their friends, and why don’t they tell them? What happened to Kyle Lowry? Why is … Read more
Features
Sister Justice is Here
Copyright: Sister Justice, Issue 001, February 2023: Sister Justice is Here by Jack Aievoli Prologue Women of ancient Africa played powerful, spiritual, leadership roles. As oracles, spirit mediums, seers, and advisors, women were prominent in spiritual systems across the contintent. Princesses and Queens led nations and tribes. “Lovedu”, a tender but powerful monarch, reigned supreme. … Read more
Somberwicke, Tale 1: The Phone
March 2022. By Jack Aievoli “Goddamn it, where’s my keys!” “They’re under the leash, Jake.” The voice came from Jake’s phone. “What?” The phone was silent. Jake was shocked, ashen. He had gotten a precise answer. The phone said his name. That can’t be real. He turned the lights off and on to make … Read more
Reviews
Obi-Wan, Season 1: Obi-Dient
Scale: Sizzle with Tizzle (Great!), Sizzle (Good!), Lacks Sizzle (Meh, if ya like that sorta thing.), Fizzle (Don’t!). Rating: Lacks Sizzle. I know oooh! Jimmy Smits! James Earl Jones! Ewen McAlsoHasManTits! And they all have British accents, because a long time ago, in a Galaxy far away, the British Empire extended to the farthest reaches … Read more
Some Things Are Best Left Undiscovered
Scale: Aivey (Good), Aivey with Gravy (Awesome!), Mayve (ok if ya like that sorta thing), Nayve (Offensively bad and stupid) “Star Trek: Discovery” Season 4 Rating: Nayve If Lieutenant Redhead Lardass gets any fatter, she’ll need her own ship. Yes, yay body pride but how about yay put down that donut once in a while, … Read more